When I was a little girl, I always had to go to the church with my mother. Every sunday morning we went to the beautiful building right in front of our house. I always found the mass something boring and disgusting. But for my mother it really seemed to be some kind of help. Going to the church, attending the mass and praying to something bigger than you really helps the people to get through this life.
But what they were praying to was not God. It was the image their church had given them. Every culture and church has its own figure of a god. And they all give the same explanation for that: God has many faces. He can make wonders in many different places in the whole world at the same time. And everyone can make his own picture of his god. It sounds unbelievable.
Some years ago, I deeply believed in God - my own god. The only thing I was rebelling against was the Catholic Church. I didn't like their methods and arguments.
They say that there's no destiny, because if there was, we wouldn't be free. But if destiny doesn't exist, how could the angel tell Maria that she would give birth to the son of God and that that child one day would save humanity?
The whole Earth was created in seven days... yeah... right... and the woman was created from a rib of the man... I see...
What about the hundred million years when the human race didn't even exist on our planet?
"That was after Adam and Eve where expelled from paradise... when the world turned into a chaos." explained my mother to me.
o_O... Oh!... right. Now I understand it!
In that situations it's better not to try to argue. People who have found peace in their faith and the Church won't accept something else. So, no one should try to make then understand his own kind of truth. But also the believers shouldn't try to make us believe in their illusions.
Well, just as I said before, I once believed in God and the only thing I didn't like was the Catholic Church. But that has changed. I don't think God was ever by my side. If there is really a god, he must be cruel and evil.
When I was searching for happiness, that god only gave me sadness and depression. When I wanted to die, God didn't let me leave this world and made me suffer even more.
And I think that my mother thought the same when my father died. I remember that, before he left us, she always smiled during the mass in the church. After his death, she stopped smiling. Though she always said that her faith gave her the strength to move on, I think she just went to the church every sunday to conserve her image as a good Catholic.
Sorry...
I don't pray to God ¬¬
The power of loneliness
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I cannot say when it started. One day I fell into a deep depression. I felt lonely and powerless. I couldn't stop feeling that way. Something was missing - An adventure!
Yes. I've always been searching for something completely different. I wanted to get out of this grey world, where no one cares about the others. I wanted to change, to become a completely new person, to find joy and happiness, freedom, love and life. All those things I desired where out of my reach and I knew that my dream would never become true. That's why I started inventing stories.
I don't have talent to write down those thoughts and wishes. (Though, when I was a little girl, my dream was to become a writer ^^') That's the reason why I haven't told anyone about my blogs. Why... I created them?? I'm not sure. It was just a boredom attack - which, in the end, overcame me u_u (I'm so weak)
I think that you need a special gift to become a writer. You can't learn it. Inventing interesting stories is one thing, but telling them the way people stop only to listen to your words (or to read your text) is completely different. I hadn't that talent, I couln't make people enjoy my words. And so I decided to do something different - something I was able to learn. Because I've always been good working with my hands, I started drawing. And it seems like I've found my fountain of hope and life in this art.
My first steps were awful. But before running you need to know how to walk. So I kept on trying and I got much better. Though it's still not perfect... the characters start having some kind of shape... hehe. That's my way to express how I feel and to overcome my real daily problems. The characters I created were much stronger and more courageous than me and so they could destroy all the evil (which in our language means boredom) even in my own life.
I don't think I would be the same person if in my past I hadn't been that lonely for so long. I sometimes miss that. I'm not lonely any more. I know a lot of amazing people who avoid that. Real friendship destroys loneliness... Though loneliness was my fountain of creativity, imagination and ideas, I don't want to go back to then...
Yes. I've always been searching for something completely different. I wanted to get out of this grey world, where no one cares about the others. I wanted to change, to become a completely new person, to find joy and happiness, freedom, love and life. All those things I desired where out of my reach and I knew that my dream would never become true. That's why I started inventing stories.
I don't have talent to write down those thoughts and wishes. (Though, when I was a little girl, my dream was to become a writer ^^') That's the reason why I haven't told anyone about my blogs. Why... I created them?? I'm not sure. It was just a boredom attack - which, in the end, overcame me u_u (I'm so weak)
I think that you need a special gift to become a writer. You can't learn it. Inventing interesting stories is one thing, but telling them the way people stop only to listen to your words (or to read your text) is completely different. I hadn't that talent, I couln't make people enjoy my words. And so I decided to do something different - something I was able to learn. Because I've always been good working with my hands, I started drawing. And it seems like I've found my fountain of hope and life in this art.
My first steps were awful. But before running you need to know how to walk. So I kept on trying and I got much better. Though it's still not perfect... the characters start having some kind of shape... hehe. That's my way to express how I feel and to overcome my real daily problems. The characters I created were much stronger and more courageous than me and so they could destroy all the evil (which in our language means boredom) even in my own life.
I don't think I would be the same person if in my past I hadn't been that lonely for so long. I sometimes miss that. I'm not lonely any more. I know a lot of amazing people who avoid that. Real friendship destroys loneliness... Though loneliness was my fountain of creativity, imagination and ideas, I don't want to go back to then...
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